|Equality – You share decisions and responsibilities. You discuss decisions and roles
to make sure they're fair and equal.
|Control – One partner makes the decisions and tells the other person what to do. It
is unbalanced and unfair.
|Honesty – You share your dreams, fears, and concerns with each other. You tell each
other how you feel and share important information without fear of criticism, judgment,
|Dishonesty – One partner lies to or keeps information from the other. One partner
steals from the other. If confronted about behavior, they will often react with disproportional
|Physical safety – You feel physically safe in the relationship and respect each other's
|Physical abuse – One partner uses force to get their way (e.g. hitting, slapping,
grabbing, shoving, etc).
|Respect – You each get treated the way you want to be treated and accept each other's
opinions, friends, and interests. You listen to each other.
|Disrespect – One partner makes fun of the opinions and interests of the other partner.
They are critical and demeaning.
|Comfort – You feel safe with each other and respect each other's differences. You
realize when you're wrong and are not afraid to say, "I'm sorry." You can be yourself.
|Intimidation – One partner controls is controlling and may attempt to keep other partner
from friends and family, threaten violence, self-harm, or a break-up if they don’t
get their way.
|Sexual respectfulness – You never force sexual activity or insist on doing something
the other isn't comfortable with.
|Sexual abuse – One partner pressures or forces the other into sexual activity against
their will or without consent.
|Independence – Neither person is dependent upon the other for an identity. Both maintain
friendships outside of the relationship. Either partner has the right to end the relationship.
|Dependence – One partner feels that they "can't live without" the other. They may
threaten to do something drastic if the relationship ends.
|Humor – The relationship is enjoyable for both partners. You laugh and have fun with
|Hostility – One partner may "walk on egg shells" to avoid upsetting the other. Teasing
is mean-spirited and discussions often involve aggression. Often involves hurtful
comments and criticisms.